Here and Now.

Occasionally I dread bedtime- it can be so time consuming to read books, say our prayers, find the chapstick and refill the glass of water. Some evenings I would rather just say "Goodnight" or at least pass it on to Andy, even if she requests me. But last night I was reminded just why I love bedtimes. So often I find myself getting caught up with timelines and to-do lists that occasionally I forget to embrace the moment. Bedtime last night was wonderful. I love hearing her tell me about the day we spent together. I love the way we look at each other and my heart fills with joy. I love hearing her ask me to sing her a song. I love hearing her sing a song she made up to me about three bears in the bushes. I love how tight her hug is and the way she is excited to wake up the next morning so she can spend the day with me. My little girl loves me and I definitely adore her. There will come a day when she will be much busier and may not have the time to sing me songs or perform her dances for me. Sometimes I must step back and just enjoy my current role as Mom.

Occasionally, lately, I have had a hard time waking up in the night for my son's cries of hunger. When he was first born I literally popped out of bed and went running. This week I seem to lay there a few seconds more to determine if he will fall back asleep or is ready to get up. I remember the same thing happening with my daughter. Last night I heard his cry at 2:58 am. I am fortunate that my son eats and can be put right back into bed 98% of the time. I have been up for as few as 11 minutes to feed him because of his willingness to go to bed awake. So- at 2:58 I more slowly got out of bed, thinking of the time when he will start sleeping through the night. I fed him and listened to his swallowing and contented hmmm (how can I memorize this beautiful sound?). I held him tight, burped him (and admittedly even took in the smell of his burp), and though I could have put him right down, I rocked him a bit longer. My son is nearly three months old- and everyone keeps saying they grow so fast- and I am realizing that. At nearly three months he is full of smiles and starting to have some giggles. He has such personality. He knows I am his mommy. Last week we spent a lot of time together traveling while Daddy was on a mission trip and Sister was with the Gparents. It was awesome being with him. I am enjoying having a four year old daughter, but I also want to treasure the moments of my infant son. As I held him tight it made me want to hold him even tighter-longer- thanking God for two healthy children.

It is my hope that each day, as I wake up in the night to provide nourishment for my son, and as I choose to play with my daughter instead of checking up on facebook, I realize that it is the moments now that matter- the moments now that I get to enjoy- the moments now that I am so blessed to experience. It is my hope that my daughter and son will always know that my love for them is unconditional and that I will always be available to them- physically and emotionally. At this point I am not a full-time stay at home mom. I love teaching and enjoying being in the classroom with my students. But it is my hope that during the moments I am home- that I am fully present. The dishes can wait. The facebook can wait. My children grow and learn new things every day and I hope to be a part of it. I love you A. I love you D. Thanks for being my kiddos.